


What we had then, and what we have now

by squidmemesinc



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Summer flings that continue past summer, summer flings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-28
Updated: 2014-11-28
Packaged: 2018-02-27 08:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2686433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squidmemesinc/pseuds/squidmemesinc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was just a random coincidence that your parents both picked the same summer vacation spot. Maybe less of a coincidence was how you ended up having something with him. But now you're back in Japan, and he still calls you, and you're starting to question the bounds of your relationship. What is it that you really want?</p>
            </blockquote>





	What we had then, and what we have now

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DaystoDawn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaystoDawn/gifts).



> Once again, this started with tweets from DaysToDawn, so this is for her again. Getting me hooked on these rarepairs, I s2g.
> 
> I think this was supposed to be more dramatic and dysfunctional, but I feel like I don't write dramatic and dysfunctional well, so I kind of tailored it to what I am good at :s I have edited this more than I have any of my other stories, and probably still less than I should, but I want to be done with it /o\ SORRY!!
> 
> I hope you like it anyway.

In summer, you were the only ones, and that was probably what made it work as well as it did.

Well, not the _only_ ones. Your family was there, and his family was there, but usually the two of you were not where they were. You’ve been going to Hawaii every year for a month since you were five years old, and Oikawa claimed to just not like tourist-y things. He was still practicing volleyball on the beach by his hotel, even on vacation.

You were both labeled as ‘petulant’ and ‘ungrateful’ for not wanting to go visit various tourist traps, and that was the third thing you bonded over, after being from Miyagi and liking volleyball.

Ever since you hit puberty and started getting Stupid Feelings, you kind of fantasized about having a fling with someone you met on your annual vacation with your family. While they were doing their thing, you could do your thing. Your thing being a whirlwind romance with a cute Hawaiian boy instead of being bored out of your skull looking at your ten millionth tropical fish for half an hour before going back to being the only teenager on a boat full of old to older people for two hours.

You recognized this was just a fantasy. The ‘old to older’ demographic applied not only to snorkeling boats, but also around inactive volcanoes, at memorials, museums, beaches, beach parks—any of the things your parents wanted to do that would bore you. You had opted to stay at the beach and maybe get a little bit darker (in actuality, it only makes you darker because your freckles multiply exponentially) and played your DS until the battery ran out, then play it more in your hotel. This was how you planned to spend your month-long vacation.

But then, on one of your daily trips to the juice bar a little way off the beach, you saw him. Someone you knew. Someone _your age_. Or as close to it as you were going to get, seemingly in the entire state of Hawaii.

He wasn’t a cute Hawaiian boy, but he was attractive, in an intimidating sort of way. But you got over that when he was nice to you, since he was also bored and you were someone who would play volleyball with him. He taught you a little bit of his serve, and you sort of got the hang of it.

And things escalated in the cool darkness of your empty hotel rooms, and you were okay with that. More than okay. You were great. It helped you to think about something other than Tsukki all the time. You recognized that you were probably just shifting your focus to him, since he was there. You figured once you got back to Japan, everything would go back to normal. You’d stop hearing from him, and your fantasy would have come true, for the most part.

But he called you. And you would be lying if you said you weren’t excited. You were still kind of perpetually bathing in the afterglow of summer. But you figured he had better things to do (better people, too) than you. But when he called, you were glad. ‘Let’s get lunch. I know a place.’

‘Lunch’ turned into blowjobs in the bathroom. You weren’t necessarily disappointed in that either, but afterwards he was done hanging out, claiming he had to go practice. You practiced together in Hawaii, so you didn’t totally see why he didn’t want to do the same now, but you figured maybe he was practicing with his friends or something and it would be weird to bring a stranger in.

But you figured still having a crush on him after all this time was a little immature, so you resolved to get over whatever feelings you had for Oikawa Tooru, and promised yourself that the next time he called you, you’d tell him ‘No, thanks.’ He was two years older than you, after all, and he lived a little farther away than was ideal.

You told yourself that, but it turned out that when he did text you next, you had already finished all your homework, and Tsukki was doing something with his brother, and your mom was visiting your grandparents, and your dad was working late. And, and, and. And you were kind of horny, and you figured that was probably what he was aiming for, so you invited him over.

But when you did, telling him where you lived, he said that was too far to go this late at night. He had school and practice the next day, you understand. You did, kind of, but had he just expected you to go the same distance to come see him?

That was really going to be the last time you indulged Oikawa.

So was the next time, when you ended up going to a park halfway between both of your houses in the middle of the night, making out for an hour with your hands down each other’s pants.

And the next time, when it was earlier on a Saturday and you were desperate for something to do, so you went to his place. You ended up leaving because he said some of your freckles from the summer had faded and you were less cute now, which was probably supposed to be a joke, but you privately got really upset. He never said stuff like that to you over the summer. You ended up making an excuse about having to go do chores.

The time after that was definitely supposed to be the last. But he offered to bring you alcohol from his parents’ liquor cabinet, and you were upset (mostly about your terrible taste in boys), so you agreed. The alcohol turned out to be a bad idea, because it only made him mean, and it only made you miss summer more and more, fixated on the way things had been. In the end you pushed him off your neck because you felt like you were too drunk to make any decisions you wouldn’t hate yourself for later and forced him to be content with just watching movies until he was sober enough to go home. The tension was palpable as you sat a meter away from each other on the couch.

He’s different now. You don’t want to give in to him when he’s being a jerk, but you’re a slave to these whims you get whenever he texts or calls. You think there’s always a _chance_ that he’ll realize there’s a reason he keeps calling you. Because he misses summer too. He misses being that way with you, he’s just too stupid to realize it’s his fault that you aren’t.

You want to blame it all on him, but really, why are you holding on to this? The bigger, more rational part of you knows that this dance you’re doing is endless and futile. You fixate on people so easily. There have always been Tsukkis and Oikawas for you. You’ve gotten over them before. But usually only by replacing one with the other. When will the cycle break? When will you grow up?

As you’re thinking about this, you’re tapping your pencil on your notebook. It takes you another minute to come back to reality and realize Tsukki is staring at you. “Oh, sorry Tsukki.” You still the implement and try to remember what you were going to write.

“Yamaguchi…” He’s looking at you with an unnaturally serious expression.

“Hm?”

“Are you alright? You’ve been acting depressed recently.”

Even Tsukki’s noticed? That’s embarrassing. “Ah, have I?” You give a nervous laugh.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

You feel your face go solemn, despite your best efforts to pin your smile to your mouth. Telling Tsukki would be embarrassing. You feel like it’s hard to explain a summer fling to someone who hasn’t had one. Not that you know for sure that he hasn’t. But you’re pretty sure. He doesn’t seem to be that interested in that kind of thing, and you like to think he’d tell you if he was.

Besides that, it’s continued on past summer. You didn’t think the sex was a huge deal, since you’d already done as much as it was possible to do, but now you’re embarrassed because…you’re probably being taken advantage of. That’s a stupid kind of situation to get yourself into.

“I’m just having some personal problems. I’ll work them out soon.” It’s not a lie.

Tsukki fixes you with a hard stare for a few seconds, and you do your best to look optimistic. “You should do that, then.”

And of course, there is a next time, despite your swearing that there won’t be. But it’s different than the times before. When he rings your doorbell, the first thing he does is ask if your parents are home, and you tell him they’re not, so he goes for your mouth, but you push him off. You suppose you should have expected this, since most of your encounters end up this way. But you still wish he would pick up on what you’re feeling for once.

“What’s up with you?” he asks, accusatory and put off.

“You’ve been different. Since summer ended,” you begin.

He scoffs. “Different how?”

“You’ve been…kind of mean.” You’re not used to calling people out, and it makes you uncomfortable. You’re not the kind of person who starts confrontations.

“I’ve been the same,” he insists.

Your face is hot, and your clothes are too warm as you debate whether or not you want to continue. This is awful. But you’ve already started, so now the words start pouring out. “No you haven’t! And it’s been pissing me off because I…like you.” Oh god, you actually said it. “I don’t want to, because I feel like everything is different now that we’re here and you don’t actually like me that much… Like maybe I was just something fun for you to do over the summer, and then you would get tired of me. And even though we’ve been doing stuff, I feel like you are tired of me.” Tears are welling up in your eyes, and he’s just standing there like an idiot, not that you can look him in the eyes anyway. “So if you are, then stop leading me on, because I actually like you and it sucks. I don’t want to be around you if you’re just going to be an asshole to me.”

“I should go,” he says after a minute. And he does. You expect that to be the last time you see him.

Somehow, you feel like you’ve made it worse. Telling him—saying those feelings out loud—made them more real. But you’ve pushed him away, because he didn’t want to be close to you from the start. You _were_ just a summer fling, and summer is over now. There’s no reason for Oikawa to be part of your life anymore.

That doesn’t mean you don’t want him to be. You wish you had just kept going the way things were, as much as that was upsetting you, because then at least you could still be around him. Even though he wasn’t always nice, it was better than being alone.

You’re not totally alone. You have Tsukki. But in your hurry to get over Oikawa, you’re re-immersing yourself in him, and that’s almost as bad. Your feelings are all in a jumble over who you used to like and who you currently like (you’re not even sure which one is which).

A week passes, and you try to get better. You practice more with Shimida-san, you do homework more productively and consistently before. You distract yourself. You try to forget about summer, and the last month and a half. You’d be better off without that time of your life, so you reject it.

You start to feel a little better, like maybe you can move on, when he shows up at your practice one day.

He comes at the tail end of it, when you’re cleaning up the gym, and you don’t see him first. Hinata does, because he’s nearest the door, and he starts freaking out and asking Kageyama why his old teammate is here. You are hoping just a little bit that he _is_ there for Kageyama, but he’s looking at you. As soon as you see him, your heart immediately starts thudding rapidly against your chest.

You quickly pull him outside. Your face is hot thinking about the things your team is going to be saying. They won’t guess the truth, but you wish he hadn’t put you in this kind of situation anyway. You hope Tsukki can’t connect Oikawa’s appearance with the thing you said about ‘personal problems.’

“What are you doing here?”

He’s not smiling. “…I miss you.”

You don’t say anything. You don’t want to be pulled in by that, and you can tell he thinks that might be just enough to do it. Maybe it would be, which is why you aren’t allowing yourself to speak yet. Your heart is still fluttering a little.

He scratches the back of his neck, drops his hand, looking avoidant. “I didn’t want to stop doing stuff with you, but all those things you said kind of threw me off. And I started thinking about them more, and the way things have been going. It’s kind of complicated, I guess. I had to think about what I wanted.”

“What do you want?” You’re afraid to ask, but you do it anyway, clinging to the hope that has resurface so easily in you, after a week of trying to suppress it.

“I think…I want to be with you. I’m…sorry for being weird.”

You look at him. You thought you knew what you wanted. You thought you wanted it to be like it was over summer. You thought that was the goal. ‘If everything can be just like it was during summer again, that will be fine.’ But now, you’re not so sure. You think you want more than that. To go on real dates, to hang out and not always have it devolve into making out at the least and sex at the most. You tell him, shyly, prepared for him to pull away. You can’t believe you’re making demands in this kind of situation, when you could have at least part of what you wanted, at not too big of a price. After all, summer was great.

But he nods, looking pensive. “That’s probably a good idea.”

You weren’t really expecting that. And you can’t resist; you hug him suddenly, forgetting your teammates are probably watching through the windows of the gym, wondering what the hell is going on.

Maybe eventually you’ll explain this to them, but for now it’s only for you.


End file.
